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The Third-Life Crisis and How to Handle It

February 22, 2016 by Jennifer 8 Comments

Every one’s heard of the mid-life crisis. If you had a rough patch at all in your twenties, you undoubtedly know about the quarter-life crisis. But you never hear about the “middle child” of the crises, the third-life crisis. Since it’s not as broadly publicized, it will likely sneak up on you when you least suspect it (affiliate link – seriously, nothing even pulls up about it in Amazon).

When you think about it, the quarter-life crisis and mid-life crisis make sense: The quarter-life hits sometime in your twenties (this was a rough one for me). Maybe you just got out of college, maybe you never even finished college, or maybe you never went at all. Regardless, you are at a crossroads in life. You are still young, wanting to have fun and enjoy yourself, but the looming cloud of “what am I going to do with my life” is always hanging over you. Somehow, you figure it out and transition into becoming an adult.

Admittedly, I haven’t made it to my mid-life crisis yet so can’t speak from personal experience. What I do know about it is from movies, books, co-workers, and friends. It seems as if it starts when maybe people around you start passing away, causing you to question your own mortality.

Or perhaps you’re a recent empty-nester and you’re realizing you have to fill your time with something other than your kids, which forces you to analyze everything in your life that’s not your kids. And it might just be the need to shake free from the monotony that’s taken over your life.

Whatever it is, I’m hoping that by identifying the root cause of the third-life crisis, perhaps I can avoid the mid-life, or at least minimize it.

So you have your twenties and “What am I GOING to do with my life” (future). You have your forties-fifties and “What have I DONE with my life” (past). And surprise, now you have the third-life crisis in your thirties, and “What am I DOING with my life” (present).

I think the reason it sneaks up on people is because by now you are really living the prime of your life. I’m going to make some vast generalizations here, but for many once you reach your thirties you’ve got a lot figured out. You’re likely married, have great kids (and if not you have great pets, friends and family), and making your way up the corporate ladder (or at least have a decent job). So it should all be unicorns and glitter, right? WRONG!

The reality of being a grown up is sinking in, and you’re starting to think “is this really what I want to do with my life?” For me, this only pertains to my professional career… not my personal home life. It seems like restructuring and consolidating is the norm in the corporate world these days.

It really hit me when I was telling my brother-in-law that even though a looming merger had fallen through at work, now they were completely reorganizing the company and I’d have to reapply for my job, if my job even still existed, in a few months. He said “yep, sounds about right”.

So I go back to, “is this really what I want to do with my life?” I mean the stability is nice and all. And I’m all for having a 401K. But I literally spend more time at work than I do at home, and I’m swimming in a sea of 26,000 other employees. What kind of an impact can I really make on the world here?

Don’t get me wrong, I actually do really like my job, and the company I work for, and the people I work with, most of the time. And I actually do a really good job at my job, and get appropriate recognition for the most part, yada yada yada. But I work my A@$ off for someone else. If I was able to spend as much time on this blog as I do at work, I know I’d be able to start pulling in a real, full time salary.. certainly a lot more than what I made on it in January.

Enter the third-life struggle

Remember all the theoretical unicorns and glitter? Well those often can’t survive without a steady paycheck. So what do you do? You sit down, take a deep breath, and remind yourself of these 4 things:

 

1) LIFE IS SHORT

If you’re not happy in your job, change it. You may not be able to do anything about it overnight, but you can start figuring out what needs to be done now. If you want to make a living off your blog, find your site, get hosted (affiliate link–Bluehost is a great place to start), and start writing. If you want to start a brewery (you know who you are), do all the research necessary to make it happen, build a business plan, and try a crowd sourcing site to get the funding. Bottom line is, when you’re going through your mid-life crisis you’ll regret never trying.

 

2) LIFE IS GREAT

Even though there may be parts of it you’d like to change right now, sometimes you just need to step back and look at the big picture. Many of us are really lucky to have what we have. I had some serious issues with depression when I was younger, and what I finally realized was that there’s always something worth living for (that’s a story for another time). I’m now at a point where there is so much worth living for that I find it hard to accept when one aspect isn’t giving me absolute fulfillment.

 

3) YOU DESERVE IT

You have worked hard to get where you are. You contribute to the greatness of your family and consequently society. You are allowed the need to move on to something different if your current job (or whatever the cause of your third-life crisis) is holding back your potential.

 

4) NO REGRETS

In the end, if you don’t try it, you will never know what could have been. I am not a religious person, but I do believe everything happens for a reason. There’s nothing worse than the feeling of looking back and wishing you had tried something. And if you fail, oh well, move on to something else or go back to what you know. Truth is, if it’s not a little bit scary, it might not be worth your time.

When you're too old for a quarter-life crisis & too young for a mid-life crisis

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Filed Under: Living, Random Musings, Working Parents Tagged With: crisis, life, mid, quarter, third-life crisis, thirties

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Arden | The-Grandma-Blog says

    February 22, 2016 at 10:38 pm

    A lifetime ago, when I was faced with a choice of leaving my normal job and basically "running away to sea" (on a square-rigged ship, no less) I found myself really wrestling with the idea that at the end of my life, I was much more likely to regret what I *hadn't* done than what I *had* and although in some ways that seems a cliché, I actually found it to be a powerful motivator. In most cases you can find a way to go "back to" what you left (or some form of it) if it doesn't work out, but if you never try... well, no real way to "recover" from that! You're lucky that life has given you a situation where things *other* than work are really great, so maybe it's time to *go for it* with your work. "Be the knowing" is a phrase I use often. It means don't just "hope" for the best, but truly "know" that it will work out, have the faith and "knowing" that it's all happening, and move forward accordingly. Faith in the absence of the visible in challenging, but it is, after all, the very definition of faith!
    Reply
    • Jennifer says

      February 23, 2016 at 8:31 pm

      I couldn't have said it better myself!
      Reply
  2. Sara says

    March 2, 2016 at 12:07 am

    I've actually never heard of the 1/4 life crisis (just the mid-life crisis). I did go through something when I hit 30 though. It was very unexpected and knocked me to the curb. (oh, I also just had a child too so maybe that had something to do with it) I remember thinking 'what happened to my life?' because I married rather young at 21 and had my first child at 22. My twenties were a huge blur filled with Barney and Winnie the Pooh. ^_^ I'm getting pretty close to the mid-life deal but my eldest kind of prepped me a bit for the empty nest syndrome when he turned 18. Moved clear to the other side of the states. I never understood the term 'empty nest' before until my heart broke into pieces for almost a whole year grieving and missing his presence. Thanks for sharing your story - I really enjoyed reading it. I think you should do what makes you happy. Don't leave your day job yet, but pursue your blog as you're good at it. (try indiebizchicks.com she successfully transferred from full-time work to home/blog work).
    Reply
    • Jennifer says

      March 5, 2016 at 9:30 am

      Hi Sara, sounds like you're maybe just ahead of the game! Hopefully what you went through when you hit 30 will count towards your mid-life and the 40's-50's will be a breeze. I bet the empty nest is tough... I'm not looking forward to that one!
      Reply
  3. Rachel says

    March 7, 2016 at 9:23 am

    Such a wonderful post! Life is most certainly too short to not be living the life you want and doing the things that make you happy!
    Reply
    • Jennifer says

      March 7, 2016 at 2:29 pm

      Thanks Rachel! And I agree... it's possible to do both.
      Reply
  4. Becky says

    March 7, 2016 at 10:50 am

    I'm almost 28 now, so still in my 20's, but I think I'm reaching that point where I do feel more stable and have a better understanding of myself. The biggest thing for me right now is the last one you mentioned- no regrets! I spent so much time in my early 20's worrying about how people would think of me or what a reaction to something I did might be. Now I'm trying to live my life with less concern about that and go for it - no regrets!
    Reply
    • Jennifer says

      March 7, 2016 at 2:27 pm

      Hi Becky, yes my mantra is "No Regrets"!
      Reply

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Welcome, I'm Jen! I'm here to offer realistic (sometimes semi-green) parenting, eating, and homemaking tips so that you can embrace life and let go of perfection. Because if I can do it, you can do it! Get to know more of Jen →

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